Shift Happens

You’re tired of feeling like you never see your partner because they’re always working nights and weekends or like you’re a single parent in your own marriage and ready to say goodbye to:

🚨 The fights that erupt the second he walks through the door. You don’t want to say, “You’re NEVER home!” (especially in front of the kids) but after days of doing everything alone, the frustration spills out before you can stop yourself. 

🚨 Being annoyed and irritated that he’s either zoned out on the couch because he’s exhausted or super hypervigilant - aware of every person and every car that drives which makes going out to restaurants anything but fun and concerts, movie theaters, sports events or Disney… absolutely off the table. 

Let’s be real: you knew this life came with its challenges but you didn’t expect to feel this level of isolation and loneliness. 

You think ‘change’ in your relationship or marriage means him changing his job, unit, department or his schedule (if he could only land that weekday day shift or an ‘inside job’ at a desk things would be so much better)...

but I need you to know this won’t solve the root of the issue. 

What actually needs to shift in your relationship is your approach with your communication, your understanding of trauma and your daily routine.

Here’s what I want you to know - when he walks in the door coming straight from his shift, he’s not in a space to “talk about his day” or “tell you what’s going on.” 

It has nothing to do with him not wanting to connect with you or him not ‘choosing you’ - he literally doesn’t have the emotional or psychological capacity to give you what you want at that moment. 

He needs an activity or some time between when he leaves work and when he steps in the door to decompress.

You need to stop waiting for him for dayssss to meet your needs and learn how to meet them yourself. 

When you combine these to changes in your approach and deepen your understanding of trauma and how it affects you both in your relationship - the arguments, tension and you feeling like you don’t matter to him will disappear on their own (no change in unit required).

This is the key to the marriage and conversations with your husband that you crave. Him being able to ask you ‘How was your day honey?’ or the normal conversations about Love is Blind to catch up and feel connected like you’re longing for. 

Think him telling goofy dad jokes and the kids are cracking up. 

You’re vibing in the kitchen, dancing to your favorite song while tidying up and he walks in and joins in.

You enjoy a romantic dinner with a spicy dessert. 

All because you’ve set the tone for this in your relationship.